Thursday, March 19, 2009

"We don't need anymore Heroes, we just need someone to take out the recycling".

It had become known as the world's longest running 'nearly' relationship. They have been passing each other by for years, going to make the jump and then finding ourselves settled in the arms of another. Their simple friendship has maintained itself, irregular coffee dates and the occasional late night phone talks about life, love and lingering memories.

After a strained distance, imposed by an overly jealous girlfriend, they found themselves back at the start. Single, and what seemed to be, searching. Not that they were searching for anyone, she was searching just for him and he just for her. And, like it had always been, they fell together in a blissful state of not-so together. 

Trust is a big issue when finding someone to call your own, they have to hold yours and you theirs. One of the most defining mutual keys to a healthy relationship. He called her over, to spend some time and to while away a lonely Tuesday night, but they both sensed it in their tone that this was the moment. Never one to leave her home for a guy (or be generally spontaneous), she packed a bag and left. He knew everything about her, the events of the past year scarred her physically and mentally and he never had pushed her towards anything, she trusted him explicitly. 

They settled themselves on a giant, cushion laden couch. They looked like a pair of hippy wanders, all braids, rasta beanies and a beaded simplicity. No longer were they 'just friends' as he picked up his guitar and sang to her, about streetlights and remembering past woes. He interrupted himself, kissed her quickly, and went back to singing. A seamless transaction that marked the start of something new. It did truly, change everything.

She stayed the night, they fell asleep wrapped around each other, starring up at a roof full of tribal artworks scattered with lights reflecting the moonlight off glass. It was one of those beautifully, serene moments where they could feel beating of each others hearts. Faster, faster as they declared that this is what they had both been waiting for. Faster, faster as he kissed her head and told her she was the girl.

Morning brought the challenge, in the light of day they were both dishevelled messes of loose clothing and they had fallen asleep surrounded by sheets of music and half empty glasses. The realisation they had broken the barriers that had held their friendship together for so long dawned on them as he drove her to work. Not a single word was spoken.

"I like you, but I can't be your rebound". "I can't be in a relationship". "I won't sleep with you, it's not fair". "You want this too". "No I don't, I just want you. Not some lacklustre form of you".

They now spend their days attacking their silent war from different fronts, the one who wants it all, and the one who wants the most undignified form of relationship imaginable. They call each other in the hope of convincing the other that what they want is the right thing for both of them. It fails every time. And now there is a hole, marking their mutual mistake in believing friendships can survive the next step.

Trust, the most defining marker.

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