Sunday, March 22, 2009

Why are you doing this? I have two very large essays to do, and if I don't take a break I will slowly turn into an opium-addicted knowledge base of all things anthropological. What do you hear right now? Made Concrete by the Republic Tigers and the water trickling out the mouth of the Lion on the back deck. What was the last alcoholic beverage you had? My Mumere's wicked Mojito last night. So good, so Mojito! You run into your ex, what do you say? A Hi-Hiii, and probably ask him about the lack of shirt. Three run ins this week, and no shirt - every time! Describe yourself in one word. Inconsequential. If you were an animal, what would you be? Bambi, all doe eyes and pretty colours. You've won a Million dollars, what do you do with it? By a large country house with beautiful big gardens. I'll put up a teepee and fairy lights and I'll invite my friends round for fairy bread, tea and gin. You have one day to live, what do you do? Lay in my teepee and play folk music, decked in fur and (naturally) high as a kite. I'd make all my friends come over and we'd sing about the future. Is your love life complicated? No, I like him. He also likes himself. This could be truly beautiful. When was the last time you laughed? When Dad asked Hannah to put the freshly baked cookies away and she purposely broke every second one so that she could justify eating them. If you were a food, what would you be? A fig, beautiful in everything. Do you sleep alone or with someone? Alone, my room isn't a charge by the hour room. What was the last compliment you received? "Yes, oooh. Coffee soooooo nice and hot! Look, beautiful alabaster skin. Hot coffee and creamy skin!" If you could change your name, would you? No, but if it was a life or death matter I could easily go by the name Deliah. Or Primrose. How did you meet the last person who saw you naked? In the supermarket, oddly enough. Do you hate people who take drugs? I'm going to say no, because I simply do not care enough to hate. But it is an intense dislike. Are you wearing any jewellery? My great grandmas wedding ring and my Daisy pendant. My two most defining pieces. What are you doing tomorrow?I'm spending the day with my baby sister at her Uni, having intelligent discussions about the universe and drinking bad, student priced coffee. You have to get a tattoo, what do you get? A small circle on my inner left wrist. Are there song lyrics that describe your current mood? Give Him The Oooh-La-La by the Blossom Dearie. Has anyone ever changed your life? My best friends did. What was the last thing someone gave you? Their sense of humour. And their time. What do you think about naked food fights? All for nudity, all for food, all for fighting. 

Thursday, March 19, 2009

"We don't need anymore Heroes, we just need someone to take out the recycling".

It had become known as the world's longest running 'nearly' relationship. They have been passing each other by for years, going to make the jump and then finding ourselves settled in the arms of another. Their simple friendship has maintained itself, irregular coffee dates and the occasional late night phone talks about life, love and lingering memories.

After a strained distance, imposed by an overly jealous girlfriend, they found themselves back at the start. Single, and what seemed to be, searching. Not that they were searching for anyone, she was searching just for him and he just for her. And, like it had always been, they fell together in a blissful state of not-so together. 

Trust is a big issue when finding someone to call your own, they have to hold yours and you theirs. One of the most defining mutual keys to a healthy relationship. He called her over, to spend some time and to while away a lonely Tuesday night, but they both sensed it in their tone that this was the moment. Never one to leave her home for a guy (or be generally spontaneous), she packed a bag and left. He knew everything about her, the events of the past year scarred her physically and mentally and he never had pushed her towards anything, she trusted him explicitly. 

They settled themselves on a giant, cushion laden couch. They looked like a pair of hippy wanders, all braids, rasta beanies and a beaded simplicity. No longer were they 'just friends' as he picked up his guitar and sang to her, about streetlights and remembering past woes. He interrupted himself, kissed her quickly, and went back to singing. A seamless transaction that marked the start of something new. It did truly, change everything.

She stayed the night, they fell asleep wrapped around each other, starring up at a roof full of tribal artworks scattered with lights reflecting the moonlight off glass. It was one of those beautifully, serene moments where they could feel beating of each others hearts. Faster, faster as they declared that this is what they had both been waiting for. Faster, faster as he kissed her head and told her she was the girl.

Morning brought the challenge, in the light of day they were both dishevelled messes of loose clothing and they had fallen asleep surrounded by sheets of music and half empty glasses. The realisation they had broken the barriers that had held their friendship together for so long dawned on them as he drove her to work. Not a single word was spoken.

"I like you, but I can't be your rebound". "I can't be in a relationship". "I won't sleep with you, it's not fair". "You want this too". "No I don't, I just want you. Not some lacklustre form of you".

They now spend their days attacking their silent war from different fronts, the one who wants it all, and the one who wants the most undignified form of relationship imaginable. They call each other in the hope of convincing the other that what they want is the right thing for both of them. It fails every time. And now there is a hole, marking their mutual mistake in believing friendships can survive the next step.

Trust, the most defining marker.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I, like many others before me, know how hard The Break-Up is. You cry and scream and kick and try to justify all the horrible things shouted in the heat of the moment with the simple aim of getting back the good times. A whole year has transpired since I poured my soul out in the back alleys of Darlinghurst, reasoning with my head and heart that it was time to move on. He cried, I cried. We were over.

Walt West once stated,

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was".

It seems like breaking up, making up or moving on are rights of passage. Yet I barely survived the first round. I have friends who go through partners monthly, moving in together and meeting families. There is one friend in particular who calls me regularly to update on her breakings and makings and to check and see if I too am following down the same path of blissful coupledom. But no, I'm not.

My friend vehemently believes in the healing power of man - literally. Without becoming personal, you would think that after the internal struggle, weighing up the good and bad in your relationship and deciding it is best (despite all the amazing points about it) to be separate, you'd like some time to chill. Or not. I personally have done the whole shenanigan once and once is more than enough for me.

Kleenex is in business thanks to my months of crying and my moral compass is still recovering after the million nights of overtime, seeing if it could handle a future based on the habits of another that were so removed from what it believed in. And it's true what has been said, no one understands how difficult it was. Or still is.

So, please don't judge my (never-ending) dating hiatus. What comes from doing the right thing is still feeling wrong.

Monday, March 2, 2009

"And we'd talk, 'bout the future. And wondered if the street lights burnt for anyone else".

I have some very talented friends, blessed with creative abilities that I could never dream of attaining. One of these very talented people is Andrew, a 20-year old singer/songwriter I met years and years ago when we were both young and separated by school rugby rivalries. His music, lyrics. Amazing.